


You Weren't Raised to Love Tender

by antiquitea



Category: Silicon Valley (TV)
Genre: Blow Jobs, Dry Humping, First Time, Give Jared Whatever He Wants 2017, Hand Jobs, M/M, Porn with Feelings, Post s04e10 just in case you thought that this wasn't going to hurt a little, Richard Hendricks is Bad at Feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-12
Updated: 2017-09-12
Packaged: 2018-12-26 20:10:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12066114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/antiquitea/pseuds/antiquitea
Summary: Richard knew that he could never find the words to describe how wonderful, how selfless he thought that Jared was. He wasn’t certain that the words existed. There wasn’t a selfish bone in the man’s body, and Richard had barely acknowledged it in all the years that they had worked together, had been friends. Instead, he took advantage of it. Squandered his friend’s affections, guidance, as if they meant nothing, as if they were expendable.





	You Weren't Raised to Love Tender

**Author's Note:**

> First fic in a new fandom is always difficult, so many thank yous to [reserve](http://archiveofourown.org/users/reserve/pseuds/reserve) for being a cheerleader while I was writing this. It felt like A Lot™ at times.
> 
> Titled inspired by [Yes & No](http://natalieweewrites.com/post/132031410781/reasons-to-not-kiss-him-1-you-werent-raised) by Natalie Wee.

**after.**

The sunlight filtered into the bedroom through the partially closed blinds, casting horizontal shadows and rays over carefully curated furniture, random bric-a-brac, discarded clothes, and languid bodies. It was barely six o’clock, the sun just beginning to crest over the horizon, the skyline a deep, hazy orange with the promise of a warm, sunny day. A fan overhead whirred slowly, nearly noiselessly, a gentle “whump whump whump” the only sound filling the room aside from shallow breathing and soft snores.

His eyes blinking open slowly, Richard’s gaze adjusted to the light and he squinted slightly, making a soft noise as he turned onto his stomach, as he turned his face and buried it into the pillow beneath his head. It took a moment before the concept of being awake didn’t seem entirely foreign to him, and his body shifted against soft, mostly clean, sheets, a yawn escaping past his lips.

Arm hanging over the edge of the bed, he turned his head toward the window, cheek resting against it. Bad idea, he'd forgotten about the black eye and hissed a little. Bruised eye aside, he felt calm for the first time in a long while. Though that feeling was quickly replaced by panic when, for a moment, the unfamiliar view caused him to forget where he was.

It was the movement beside him that, on its own, recalled the previous 24 hours with stunning clarity.

Richard rolled over onto his back, and propped himself onto his elbows to cast a glance beside him, comforted and bewildered by the sight of Jared, still half asleep, shifting in his bed.

_Jared._

Jared’s bed. Jared’s bedroom. Jared’s condo.

His heart hammered in his chest, from nerves or from being too full, Richard wasn’t sure. He didn’t think that it mattered. He was pretty sure that it was both.

Swallowing thickly, Richard reached out and brushed strands of hair from Jared’s usually perfectly coiffed head away from his face. Richard would be remiss to have those bright blue eyes obscured, even when closed. He’s not entirely positive that it’s not all a dream - a wonderful dream that he doesn’t deserve to have.

Richard settled back down against the sheets, body turned toward Jared, the view beyond the window interesting him far less than the view that he had behind it.

Fingers, tender from a lifetime of having actively avoided much that was laborious or intensive, swept over the exposed column of Jared’s throat, moving downward, spidering out over his collarbone. Richard watched his fingers in awe, unable to believe who they were touching, who he was with.

Jared shifted once more, and his eyes opened slowly, then all at once. Richard found himself rapt, caught in Jared’s gaze, which was far too alert for someone first thing in the morning as soon as they had woken up. He didn’t seem to need the time that Richard had needed to deduce what had happened, there was no confusion etched on his features. A sleepy smile spread across Jared’s lips, and he closed his eyes, relishing in the brush of Richard’s fingertips against his skin.

“Good morning, Richard,” he said in a voice barely above a whisper, as if afraid to disturb the still of the moment.

Richard had never been one for sentiment. But the sight of Jared, the feel of him, the casual ease with which he fell into what was normally the awkward morning after, had Richard employing a tone of voice, soft and tender, which he wasn’t even sure he had possessed. Until then.

“Hey.”

Apparently that was the best he could think of.

All the same, Jared smiled brighter, his eyes remaining closed as Richard’s fingers ghosted over his shoulders. Richard had never noticed the freckles there before, dusted over his skin like distant constellations. Why would he have? When had he ever seen Jared shirtless previous to the night before?

It wasn’t nerves that caused his heart to hammer in his chest. It was something else. His heart felt too full. What a strange and wonderful feeling it was.

Richard ducked his head down, capturing Jared’s mouth with his. Whether Jared had been expecting it, or simply knew how to respond to a kiss without acting like it was sudden or a surprise, he returned the kiss with a slow and gentle fervor. Richard found himself already breathing harshly through his nose, the tender caresses that his fingers bestowed upon Jared’s skin stuttering in their path.

Jared was on top of Richard, their kiss not broken for a moment while bodies shifted and limbs tangled. Richard’s hands splayed against Jared’s shoulder blades, Jared’s large hands, long fingers, gripping Richard tightly by the hollows of his hips and pinning him to the bed, which creaked softly under their movement and their combined weight.

Richard breathed Jared’s name with reverence against his mouth, as Jared hooked an arm under the back of one of his knees, raising his leg, grinding down against him. Raising his hips up from the bed as much as Jared’s alarmingly strong hand would let him, Richard met each thrust of Jared’s cock against his own with ardor, soft, breathless gasps fall from his lips.

It didn’t take Richard long to become fully erect, pinned beneath the weight of Jared’s body, relishing in the way that they moved with one another, against one another.

Luxuriating in the feeling of Jared getting hard against him, Richard surged forward and pressed his mouth against the corner of Jared’s. This kiss was only momentarily awkward, until Jared turned his head slightly to fully capture Richard’s lips with his, tongue licking slowly into his mouth. Jared's fingers digging into his hip, into the side of his knee, felt overwhelming and yet Richard wanted so much more. His fingers stuttered against Jared's shoulder blades, and he attempted to haul the man on top of him closer, desperate to feel every inch of him.

Richard came quietly, much unlike the night before, face pressed into the crook of Jared’s neck, tasting his skin, warm with sleep. Jared moaned Richard’s name, kissing the top of his head, his hold on him tightening, bruises sure to be left. He came as Richard threaded his fingers through his hair, hot against Richard’s stomach, a keening cry escaping his parted lips, eyes pressed shut tightly, though Richard would have delighted to see how blue they were when he came undone.

Neither of them moved.

Neither of them dared.

.     .     .

**before.**

It was late, and though Richard had meant to go back to the hostel after his meeting with Gavin Belson at the restaurant, he found himself giving the Lyft driver the address of Jared’s home. Watching the streetlights and buildings pass, Richard tenderly touched his black eye, making a mental note to ask Jared for a bag of frozen peas, as if Jared wouldn’t have an actual ice pack on hand. Jared was prepared for everything it seemed - Richard wouldn’t be surprised if him getting pummeled by the fiancé of the woman he slept with wasn’t one of those things.

When Richard arrived at Jared’s condo, Jared didn’t seem the least bit surprised to see him, despite the lateness of the hour, despite the fact that Richard hadn’t called ahead. He simply opened the door wider to allow Richard to step inside, and took his coat from him dutifully, wordlessly.

“What happened?” Jared asked, looking back at Richard as he opened the closet in the hallway.

Richard furrowed his brow, shoving his hands in the pockets of his jeans. “You were there.”

“No, I meant with Gavin.”

“Oh. Right,” Richard responded with a nod of his head and a bite of his lip. “Um, he offered me a _very_ generous acquisition deal. And I, um, I turned it down.” Jared smiled fondly, clearly proud of Richard for standing up to Gavin. “And then … I threatened him. Well, not him specifically. More, uh, the mainframe industry. And Hooli. I threatened to make them obsolete.”

“You’ve come a long way, Richard Hendricks,” Jared said fondly, reaching and touching Richard’s chin with his fingers. Richard inhaled sharply at the contact, about to ask Jared what he was doing, only to have Jared tilt his head this way and that, clearly examining the bruise around his eye. “Let me get you an ice pack. Have a seat.”

As Jared made himself scarce in the kitchen, Richard took a moment to look around the living room of Jared’s home. “You know, I’ve never been in here before.”

“Well, to be fair, I haven’t really done much living here,” Jared called from the kitchen.

The circumstances of why Jared had moved back into his condo suddenly came crashing back into energy drink riddled mind, and the wave of shame associated with it enveloped his stomach.

“Right,” Richard said simply just as Jared came out of the kitchen with an ice pack wrapped in a tea towel, gesturing for Richard to sit down in a nearby chair.

Richard did as instructed, and watched intently as Jared knelt down in front of him and tenderly placed the ice pack against Richard’s eye. Richard hissed at the cold and the contact, and Jared shushed him quietly, soothingly. He all but gulped, his hands on his thighs suddenly feeling damp, the rest of his body feeling twitchy, but what else was new.

“Jared,” Richard began softly, meeting the eyes of the man in front of him. “I’m really fucking sorry.”

“You said as much already,” Jared said, offering Richard a small, kind smile. “I came back. All is forgiven.”

“But you - you really shouldn’t have,” Richard stammered. “I was … so tremendously shitty. To you. To _everyone_. But especially you. You shouldn’t have come back, and you certainly shouldn’t have forgiven me.”

“Do you wish that I hadn’t?” Jared asked, tilting his head slightly, regarding Richard searchingly with bright blue eyes.

“Of course not,” Richard replied, shaking his head slightly. “Pied Piper needs you. _I_ need you. But, I just -”

Richard knew that he could never find the words to describe how wonderful, how selfless he thought that Jared was. He wasn’t certain that the words existed. There wasn’t a selfish bone in the man’s body, and Richard had barely acknowledged it in all the years that they had worked together, had been friends. Instead, he took advantage of it. Squandered his friend’s affections, guidance, as if they meant nothing, as if they were expendable. It was difficult to reconcile one’s feelings when one was so terribly out of touch with those same feelings.

Losing everything, for however brief a time, had taught Richard that, frustrated as he was that he had needed to come to that before he could fully pull his head out of his own ass.

More than that, Richard had been in love with Jared. For years, probably. Too stubborn, too afraid to admit it to himself.

_Where do we go from here?_

“I’m glad that you came back,” Richard finally said, his voice soft. “If I were in your position, I don’t think that I would have. Not with how I treated you, not with the things that I did.”

“Let us hope that we never have to find out, hmm?” Jared hummed, lifting the ice pack from Richard’s eye. “That should help with the swelling. We can put another one later if you’d like.”

Later could mean any number of things. Later implied that Richard would be staying longer when it was already so late.

He realized that he hadn’t planned on leaving.

Wordlessly, Jared got up from the floor and headed to the kitchen, and Richard turned his head to watch him. Nerves screamed at him to stop, courage helped him rise from the chair.

Richard wandered to the kitchen to find Jared filling a kettle with water. Sure that Jared could sense his presence, Richard said nothing, waiting for Jared to say something, anything. He didn’t. Richard bit his lip, fidgeted with the hem of his sweater.

“You didn’t ask why I came here,” Richard said as Jared moved to the stove. It was endearing to Richard that despite all of the more modern accoutrements that filled Jared’s home that he still used a kettle that one had to put on a stove. “It’s late, this building is out of my way, and you should still be angry with me, and you didn’t ask why I came here.”

“I didn’t have to,” Jared said, turning the burner on and then turning toward Richard. “We both know that you lack subtlety.”

Pursing his lips together, Richard took a step further into the kitchen, closer to Jared. “When, um, when did you realize?”

“It’s difficult to pinpoint a specific moment,” Jared replied, reaching up to tug gently on the collar of his shirt, as if the temperature in the room had suddenly risen. It hadn’t. “All I remember was looking at you one day and thinking ‘Yes, I do.’”

Richard’s brow furrowed, and he was another step closer. “Yes, I do?” he asked as he folded his arms across his chest. “What, uh, what do you mean ‘Yes, I do?’ What are we, y’know, ‘Yes, I do’-ing about? What was even the question? I - Is there a question?”

Jared leaned back against the counter, resting his palms against it. His eyes followed Richard’s every movement - whether it be another step closer, another fidget, another head tilt, another lip bite - his eyes didn’t for a moment relinquish the hold that they had. “The question was ‘Do you feel that?’ The answer was, ‘Yes, I do.’”

“I, uh, I never asked you that.”

“You didn’t have to.”

Richard stood two paces away from Jared, the kettle on the stove beginning to whistle, the air electric and almost violent between them. He knew what was coming, and he was certain that Jared did too. It was only a matter of time, and Richard wasn’t sure that it could be stopped. He was thankful that it seemed, at least so far, that neither of them wanted to stop it.

“What happens now?” Richard asked, hoping that Jared had more answers. Jared always had answers - even for questions that didn’t seem to have a logical response.

“Richard,” Jared began, “I have loved you since before Pied Piper was adequately funded. But your friendship, your partnership, means more to me than anything else that I could ever want. What happens now is entirely up to you. Wherever you want to go, I will follow.”

Jared’s admission that he loved him left Richard feeling dizzy. It was one thing to feel it, it was another thing to say it.

Richard, much to his own chagrin, said nothing.

He did, however, fill the empty space between them with his body, tilting his head up and crushing his mouth against Jared’s, hands flying to his shoulders and gripping tightly, as if trying to pull himself up, to make himself taller. Jared’s hands settled on Richard’s hips, and he hauled him closer, the force of their bodies colliding sending all of the air that occupied Richard’s lungs rushing out of him.

As far as first kisses went, it was far too hard, noses colliding, and there were far too many teeth, all of them Richard’s.

But it was still perfect.

Behind them, the kettle whistled, though Richard barely heard it over the hammering of his heart, which seemed as though it had relocated from his chest to his ears.

Jared was guiding him, as he always did, though without words for once. His hands had relocated from Richard’s hips to his face, thumbs brushing gently over cheeks where a five o’clock shadow was beginning to materialize. His lips were tender as the kisses that he bestowed upon Richard, slowly pulling him away from the forcefulness that they had begun with, leading him toward something much more delicate, much more lascivious.

Gasping, Richard’s fingers curled around Jared’s wrist, just as Jared began to push him back out of the kitchen, away from sharp objects, toward softness. They made it as far as the living room, before Richard tripped over his own two feet and pulled Jared down with him.

Smiling against Richard’s lips, Jared said, “I did say that I would follow wherever you went.”

A small laugh escaped Richard, brushing against Jared’s cheek before Richard was kissing him again, fingers ghosting over the buttons of his shirt. He moved to sit up, Jared followed, still draped over him. “Please,” Jared rasped, and Richard almost came undone right then and there.

Richard’s fingers, deft and talented when it came to coding, were absolute trash at unbuttoning a shirt on another human being. He discovered that he couldn’t multitask, couldn’t kiss Jared and undress him at the same time, so Jared helped, following Richard’s fingers, unbuttoning his own shirt where he struggled. Eventually, Richard didn’t need the help, managing to get the last few buttons of Jared’s shirt undone. Richard pushed the fabric down, away from Jared’s shoulders, only to have the shirt get stuck at his elbows as Jared reached up, tangling his fingers in Richard’s curls, pulling their mouths together.

Jared couldn’t seem to get enough of kissing Richard. Richard wasn’t about to complain, as he couldn’t get enough of kissing Jared.

Somewhere along the way of divesting each other of their clothes, Richard briefly got trapped in his sweater, and an attempt to get Jared’s pants off resulted in Richard getting a foot in the ribs. It wasn’t at all graceful. Richard never was, so why should taking his friend’s clothes off while he had his own taken off by his friend be any different?

On his back on Jared’s living room floor, Jared on top of him, kissing along his jaw, his neck, his collarbone, growing hard against him, Richard wanted to push Jared away as much as he wanted to draw him nearer. He didn’t deserve Jared - he didn’t deserve his kindness, his loyalty, his friendship, his forgiveness, his love. Jared could have anyone he wanted, and yet he’d chosen Richard.

He felt like the luckiest goddamn man in the universe.

Removed from his thoughts by Jared’s fingers hooking into his shorts, pulling them down just enough to free his straining cock, Richard lifted his hips off of the floor, groaning at the mere thought of being touched. Being touched by _Jared_ of all people.

It felt lewd to watch as Jared laved his tongue over his own palm, and Richard shuddered in anticipation, not having to wait long as Jared reached between them, grabbing Richard’s cock with his wet palm. Richard practically sobbed, the loud lament wrenched from him echoing off of the walls in the living room.

“Jared,” Richard gasped, lifting his hips, gazing raptly as his cock slid through Jared’s curled fingers. There was something extremely carnal about fucking Jared’s hand, watching himself do it. Though he found looking into Jared’s eyes, glassy with lust, to be infinitely better. “ _Jared_ ,” he whispered once more.

“What do you want, Richard?” Jared asked, bending his head down, lips brushing softly over Richard’s bottom lip. “What do you need? I’ll give it to you.”

“E - Everything,” Richard replied, his breath hitching as Jared squeezed the shaft on the downstroke. He reached up, tangling his fingers in Jared’s hair, pulling just hard enough to cause Jared to clench his teeth and let out a soft hiss. “ _You_.”

Jared gave Richard everything that he was capable of giving, which Richard was certain was more than the combined affections of everyone else he’d been romantically involved with in his life up until that moment. Cruelly, just as Richard was about to reach his climax, Jared stopped touching him and withdrew, leaving Richard laying on the floor, writhing and cursing, fingers scrabbling at the hardwood.

“Fucking - what are you doing?” Richard panted, exasperated and far too horny to even attempt being coherent. As Jared slowly rose up off the floor, Richard felt more desperate than the ruined orgasm had left him. “Wh - where are you going?”

“I believe my bed is far more comfortable,” Jared replied, reaching out a hand and helping Richard up off the floor.

“ _Oh_ ,” Richard murmured, stunned, as if going to Jared’s bedroom made it that much more “real,” despite the fact that Jared had been seconds away from making Richard come.

Following Jared to his bedroom, their fingers loosely laced together, Richard didn’t have the foresight to be even remotely embarrassed about his dick hanging out. Jared’s room was, naturally, dark, and without letting go of Richard’s hand he reached over to turn the lamp beside his bed on, bathing the room in a warm, soft light. Jared framed Richard’s face with his hands, slender fingers moving through the unruly hair at his temples, and tilted his face up, kissing him gently.

_I do not deserve this._

Richard had never been tender with anyone before. Any sex he’d had was often rushed, hurried, and unabashedly awkward. Whether it had been in his dorm room in college, in the backseat of his date’s car, in his loft bed with Winnie, or … with Liz, there’d always been a sense of urgency, a sense of just getting it over with already. He’d never had anyone been tender with him, he’d never had anyone to be tender to. There was urgency there with Jared, of course there was, but there was something deeper, something _more_ , and Richard wasn’t entirely certain of how to conduct himself.

Which was why he was more than happy to let Jared guide him, as he often did, as he was so good at doing.

After a few moments of slow kissing, with wet, gently probing tongues, Jared pulled back, and Richard inhaled deeply, eyelids fluttering open just in time to watch Jared sink down to his knees in front of him.

“Jared,” Richard breathed, eyes meeting Jared’s, soft and so utterly devoted looking. Had anyone ever looked at him that way before? Jared settled his hands on Richard’s hips, shoving his boxers off and then leaning in, tongue darting out against the head of his cock.

Richard wasn’t so frustrated about having not come in the living room anymore.

He exhaled and let his eyelids slip closed for a moment, reaching down and threading his fingers through Jared’s hair as soft, pink lips wrapped around him. Richard knew that it wouldn’t be long, and forced his eyes open so that he could watch. Who was to say if he would ever set eyes on this again? He only had enough time to pull on Jared’s hair in an attempt to pull him away before he was coming, crying out, his other hand gripping at Jared’s shoulder in an attempt to keep himself upright and from completely doubling over.

“Oh. God,” Richard gasped, as Jared laved his tongue over Richard’s softening cock, licking him clean. “Jared. I’m -”

“Don’t,” Jared rasped, pulling back and Richard’s cock twitched at the sound of his voice. “I wanted to.”

“ _Fuck_ ,” Richard breathed, running a hand through his hair and suddenly thankful that Jared’s bed was right behind him. He flopped down onto it, legs dangling over the edge, vaguely aware of Jared moving to stand up from the floor.

It occurred to him that Jared still wasn’t completely naked, that he’d barely touched him, save through his shorts once he’d gotten Jared’s pants off, and he’s groaned upon feeling the size of him. But other than that, it had been all about Richard, who instantly felt immensely selfish.

Richard propped himself up on his elbows, and extended one of his legs, hooking it behind Jared’s and bringing him closer. Jared watched Richard quizzically, as if the concept of being here with him like this still wasn’t fully registering, like it wasn’t real, like he might wake up.

Richard hoped that they didn’t.

Leaning forward, Richard gripped at Jared’s hips, his mouth pressing slow and wet at the skin just above Jared’s shorts. Jared breathed in sharply as Richard began to tug down his underwear, his fingers brushing along the curve of Richard’s jaw. Leaning into Jared’s touch, Richard looked up at him through his eyelashes as he gently tugged his shorts over his thighs, letting them fall to the floor once they had reached his knees. A blush high on Jared’s cheeks, he briefly broke eye contact with Richard, as if he were suddenly very bashful about the whole scenario, before meeting his gaze once more.

“You are … amazing,” Richard murmured, his hands moving reverently along the backs of Jared’s thighs. “I - I’m so sorry that it’s taken me years to realize it, years to say it.”

“Richard -”

“No,” Richard said insistently. “L - let me do this. You deserve as much.”

“I don’t want you to _feel_ that you _have_ to do anything,” Jared whispered, fingertips still moving along Richard’s jaw.

“You’re under the impression that this is one sided.” Richard swallowed thickly and rested his cheek against one of Jared’s bony hips. “I - it’s not. I meant it earlier when I said that I needed you.”

Jared’s fingers shifted to coil through Richard’s curls, and Richard closed his eyes, giving into the gentle calm of the moment - Jared’s fingers in his hair, hard cock bumping against his collarbone, his cheek against Jared’s hip, hands settled on the curve of his ass. Richard should’ve felt nervous. Hell, he _always_ felt nervous. But for the first time in months he felt at ease - like he hadn’t been punched in the face multiple times earlier the day, like he hadn’t just threatened one of the most powerful men in their industry.

None of that mattered. Not when he was with Jared.

“You’re always asking what I need,” Richard murmured, his slowly sweeping down over Jared’s rear. “But w - what about you? What do _you_ need?”

“Oh, I’m -”

“Jared, _please_ ,” Richard interrupted, desperation in his voice. “Tell me.”

Jared seemed to ponder on this moment, or at the very least looked like he was mulling the situation over in his mind. Richard glanced up at him, on the receiving end of those kind eyes, the ones that always had a way of calming him down, even just a little bit, when everything around him seemed to be falling to pieces.

“You,” Jared finally replied. “I just need you, Richard. However you will let me have you.”

“However you want me,” Richard breathed, his fingers gripping Jared’s ass tightly.

And in that instant Jared was crowding him, climbing onto his lap, kissing him fervently, pushing him down to the bed. Richard’s eyes momentarily went wide as Jared manhandled him, gripping his legs by the backs of his knees and pushing his legs up toward his chest, settling in between them. Gasping into Jared’s mouth, Richard gripped Jared’s hair between his fingers, taking great pleasure in rendering that perfectly styled hair into an absolute mess.

Richard had seen firsthand the fire that dwelled within Jared the past few months - first directed to Gavin’s blood boy, and then at Richard himself after the stunt he pulled at HooliCon. Jared, usually calm and composed, could be pushed to outbursts just as much as anyone else, it just took a bit more to get him there. However, Richard much preferred this, passionate and unyielding Jared, as opposed to one who yelled at him (no matter how much he had deserved it).

“I have wanted this for so long,” Jared groaned, grinding his hips down against Richard’s, causing him to cry out. “Wanted _you_ , Richard.”

Richard arched up off the bed, using Jared’s scalp and shoulders as leverage, wanting to be so much closer to him. Jared’s palm settled on Richard’s cheek as he kissed him, tongue delving into his mouth with deliberate slowness. Richard whined against Jared’s mouth as their cocks slid against one another, the sound getting swallowed up in the kisses that Jared bestowed upon him. Jared pressed his thumb against Richard’s chin, which Richard eventually clued in meant for him to open his mouth.

Jared pulled away, much to Richard’s disappointment, and dragged two fingers along the bow of his bottom lip. “Lick them,” he murmured.

“Oh, _fuck_ ,” Richard whined, his tongue darting out to do just as Jared had instructed.

As Richard’s tongue wove its way over and between Jared’s fingers, Jared carefully rearranged Richard’s legs, hooking them over his hips. Jared pulled his fingers from Richard’s mouth, and Richard mourned the weight of them on his tongue, wriggling beneath Jared’s body in an attempt to convey that. Jared seemed to pay no mind, trailing his fingers, wet with Richard’s saliva, along his perineum, causing him to twitch and let out a soft cry.

“Is this okay?” Jared asked, looking down at Richard attentively.

“Yes,” Richard breathed, head tipped back, body bowing toward Jared’s touch, as his fingers moved closer toward their intended destination.

One of Jared’s fingers circled around his hole, before pressing gently inside. Gasping, Richard’s fingers dug into Jared’s back, fingernails jagged from biting at them non-stop scratching along Jared’s pale skin. He’d never done anything remotely related to anal with anyone else before. He’d pressed his own fingers inside himself while jerking himself off, but it felt nothing like Jared’s finger, warm and and slender, gentle and persistent all at once.

“Okay?” Jared asked once more, bending his head down to kiss Richard gently.

“Okay,” Richard whispered against Jared’s lips in response.

Jared spent what many people might consider to be an absurd amount of time fucking Richard with just one finger. It was as if he could sense Richard was just a little apprehensive about it all, because of course he was. All the same, it felt so good, and Richard relished in the sensation of Jared inside of him, even if it was just one finger.

“Another?” Jared asked, pulling his finger out slowly.

“God. _Yes_.”

It felt like too much and not enough all at once. Richard cried out, squirming down onto Jared’s fingers as he scissored them gently inside of him. His cock grew hard once more, bumping against his thigh and Jared’s hip. Richard allowed his eyelids to fall shut, though he wanted to watch Jared’s face as he fucked him with his fingers. It wasn’t not long before they found a rhythm - Richard fucking himself slowly on Jared’s fingers as he pressed them inside.

“Jared,” Richard gasped, hips canting upward before he was bearing down again. “I was. This was supposed to be. For you. To make you feel good.”

“This does make me feel good,” Jared replied, swallowing thickly. “Seeing you like this. God, Richard. How long I’ve wanted this.”

“ _Jared_ ,” Richard whined, reaching out and grasping at Jared’s wrist.

The action caught Jared off guard, and Richard instantly regretted doing it, if only for the way that Jared’s brows knotted together, the way his forehead furrowed. “I’m sorry. Was that not -”

“No. It’s amazing and and perfect and - you’re going to finish it. Maybe later. I don’t know. Just not right now,” Richard rasped, his chest heaving. He pressed his fingers harder against Jared’s wrist, and Jared let his fingers fall from inside of Richard’s body. He made a noise he didn’t recall having ever made before, and instantly missed those fingers inside of him. “I want - I want to make you come.”

If his face hadn’t already been flushed, the look on Jared’s face indicated that he may have started blushing. It wasn’t out of embarrassment, but something else. Richard didn’t know what, and he didn’t think to ask.

“I am woefully underprepared,” Jared said suddenly, looking far too sad for someone who was going to come in the very near future if Richard had anything to say about it.

“What?” Richard asked, planting his forearms onto the bed and raising himself up on his elbows slightly. “What - what are you talking about?”

“I’m afraid that I haven’t replenished my supply of condoms,” Jared replied, looking apologetic. “You wouldn’t happen to have one, would you?”

Richard wanted to scream. He’d had one. One condom that he had kept in his wallet probably well past its expiry date that he’d ended up using when he and Liz had fucked on the floor in the boardroom some weeks before. Richard wished that he had known that fucking Jared Dunn had been in his future - he never would’ve wasted his wallet condom on the future Mrs. Melcher. He also wished that he’d had the foresight to own more than one condom at a time.

Though he wanted to, Richard opted not to scream, but instead covered his face with his hands and flopped back against the bed. He may have yelled into his hands, but certainly didn’t scream. Two completely different things.

“I’m guessing that’s a no,” Jared said, and Richard could’ve sworn that he heard the tiniest bit of mirth in his voice.

“Yes,” Richard whined petulantly. “I mean yes. That's a no.” He let his hands fall from his face and looked up at Jared. “I was kind of looking forward to. You know. Sex.”

Jared laughed, rearranging Richard’s legs and then flopping down next to him. Richard’s hand reached out to stroke along Jared’s thigh, mostly of its own volition it seemed. Jared sighed and rolled over onto his side, pressing open mouthed kisses against Richard's shoulder.

“Of the penetrative variety? Me too,” he finally murmured. “We are, technically, still having sex. Not at this very moment, but it’s all still sex. But we can try again some other time. If you would like to.”

“ _Yes_ ,” Richard replied, not really needing to give it much thought. He laughed a little in spite of himself, in spite of the situation, and pressed a kiss against Jared's forehead. “Yes. But. Um. You still -”

“I have an idea,” Jared said, looking up at Richard, because of course he did.

“Tell me,” Richard whispered, his hand travelling up Jared’s thigh, revelling in the combination of soft and creamy white skin, strong muscle, and downy hair.

Jared’s breathing came out in a choked gasp as Richard wrapped his hand around his cock, giving it an experimental pump. It dawned on Richard that he still hadn’t truly touched Jared that evening - not like this. Anytime he’d been about to, entertained the thought, Jared had practically intercepted him in some way.

“You - you must want to come pretty badly, huh,” Richard mused playfully, though the notion of talking dirty made him slightly nervous. But then again, what didn’t? He certainly wasn’t any good at it by any stretch, as he felt he wasn’t with most things that weren’t related to coding. But this … this he could do. Or at least try. “You’re so … hard. Is that for me?”

It was a start.

“Rich _ard_ ,” Jared moaned, desperation creeping into the edges of his voice. “Yes. For you. Everything. For you.”

“You said you had an idea,” Richard said, rolling carefully onto his side, still stroking Jared’s cock. He dragged his thumb over the tip, the way he liked it and hoped that Jared liked it too. Jared shuddered and gasped quietly, so mission accomplished. “Tell me what it is. I’ll do it. We’ll do it. I just … want to make you feel as good as you make me feel.”

Jared moaned, reaching over and gripping Richard’s thigh, hips lifting off of his bed to meet Richard’s downward strokes. If this was what Jared wanted Richard would gladly do it, but Jared had something else in mind it seemed, as he reached down and gently nudged Richard’s hand away - though he seemed to do so with a great deal of difficulty.

Richard found himself unceremoniously rolled onto his stomach, face mashed into Jared’s bedspread. He squawked, an undignified sound that he should’ve been embarrassed by but he had no time, as Jared laid along the length of his body, hands settling over his wrists, dragging his tongue along the shell of Richard’s ear. Gasping, Richard lifted his hips, pressing back against Jared’s, delighting in the feeling of his cock sliding between the cleft of his ass.

“O - oh,” Richard stuttered, dragging his hardening cock against the bed, turning his head so that the less busted up side of his face wasn't crushed against the bed. “But we -”

“I know. I’m sorry. But we can’t. Not that,” Jared breathed, one of his hands sweeping along Richard’s flank, the other still holding his wrist down to the bed. “But this -” Richard bucked beneath Jared and cried out as Jared’s cock slid between his cheeks, “- we can do.”

“ _Fuck_ ,” Richard whimpered, as Jared shifted, straddling Richard’s thighs.

The maddening drag of Jared’s cock along his ass had Richard both attempt to scrabble away and get closer all at once. It was too dry, though the amount of precome that leaked from Jared was both making short work of the dryness and was alarmingly hot. Richard’s ego swelled with the notion that it was him that was rendering Jared so incredibly ardent.

Each time the head of Jared’s cock brushed along his asshole, Richard cried out, aching to be fucked. He hadn’t even realized he had wanted to be fucked until it was on the table, and now he couldn’t think of anything that he wanted more. Not Pied Piper, not rendering Gavin Belson’s mega corporation obsolete, not anything - just to be fucked by Jared Dunn, that was what he wanted.

“Not enough,” Richard lamented, lacing his fingers through the hand of Jared’s that was pinning his arm to the bed. “It - it’s not enough. _Jared_.”

“I know. I know,” Jared murmured kindly, his voice rough with lust. “I’m sorry.”

“S’good though,” Richard said, knowing that it would absolutely gut Jared if he didn’t think that Richard wasn’t enjoying his ministrations. But _oh_ , how he was. “So good. You’re - you’re so good.”

The head of Jared’s cock prodded at Richard’s entrance and he buried his face into the bedspread, gripping at Jared’s hand tightly, crying out. Jared seemed to be spurred on by the noises that Richard made, the way that he writhed on the bed beneath him, seemingly unable to control himself even a little bit. With each movement of Richard’s body, he was rewarded with a sound from Jared’s lips, and he sounded more and more shattered each time.

Richard clenched, probably more than he meant to, and Jared inhaled sharply, his fingers on Richard’s hip gripping tightly, blunt, cleanly trimmed fingernails scraping along the soft, relatively untouched skin there. He gasped like he couldn’t get enough air into his lungs, and Richard wished that he could see coming undone on top of him. Wished he could see his dark hair matted against his forehead, the blush across his cheeks and chest, stretching over that elegant collarbone, that long, pale throat. Wished that he could see the composure with which Jared always carried himself with fray, and ultimately come completely destroyed.

“Richard,” Jared heaved. “Richard, can I -”

“ _Yes_. Godfuckinghell _yes_.”

He heard the choked sound of Jared’s gasp, and then felt him convulse on top of him, hot come spurting over his ass, over his back, hands grasping tightly at his hip, at his fingers. Richard held his breath - he didn’t want to miss a single sensation, didn’t want to miss a detail of how it felt when he brought Jared to the edge, wanted to be able to recall it again and again whenever he wanted to.

Jared slumped forward over Richard’s back, arms shaking with the effort of holding himself upright. Richard, equal parts enthralled and boneless beneath Jared’s body, turned slowly onto his side and craned his neck, wanting to get just a glimpse of Jared, utterly broken above him.

His half hard cock twitched at the sight.

“Jesus Christ, Jared,” Richard murmured, awed.

“I’m sorry … that it wasn’t what you wanted and that it didn’t last that long, and that -”

“Jared, stop,” Richard said, closing his eyes for a moment and inhaling a deep breath through his nose. “It was … it was fucking amazing, okay.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Jared nodded, and Richard watched as he got up slowly, legs betraying him as he got up off the bed and began making his way across the bedroom. Richard wondered if it had been something he had said until Jared came back with a damp cloth and a towel. Reaching for the cloth Richard was surprised, although not too much when he considered who he was with, when Jared began to mop up the come from his back and backside.

Sufficiently cleaned up, Richard moved onto his back, far enough removed from his own orgasm that things seemed a little less hazy. Things could get incredibly awkward incredibly quickly. Though all prospect of a panic attack seemed to go out the window as he watched Jared return from disposing of cleaning implements, from cleaning himself up and looking a little more put together.

Richard still wished that he could’ve seen how Jared had looked above him.

“Are you staying?” Jared asked, hovering by the lamp that illuminated his room in a soft, yellow light.

“Yes,” Richard replied with more conviction than he had ever replied to anything else in his life before.

Jared smiled and turned off the light crawling under the covers of his bed. Richard, realizing that he was on top of them, burrowed beneath them with a great deal of difficulty. Of course Jared’s bed would be made properly every day, sheets tucked into the sides, pillows fluffed. Richard heard Jared chuckle quietly, and he was still smiling when Richard had found his way under the sheets. His eyes had adjusted enough to the natural darkness of the room, the bright lights outside and the brightness of the moon to make out the features on Jared’s face.

Jared reached out and swept his fingers along Richard's cheek, mindful of the purpling bruise blooming down and over it.

Such arrant affection felt strange, but it also felt so right.

“What happens now?” Richard asked, voice barely above a whisper, too frightened to speak any louder.

Jared shuffled closer and wrapped his arms around Richard’s body and rolled him onto his back. Richard’s arms, trapped between his and Jared’s body, didn’t attempt to push him away as they had so many times before. They felt safe there.

“Sleep,” Jared finally replied in a pragmatic tone.

Richard could’ve stayed awake all night, replaying the events of the past hours over and over in his mind. Sleep was the furthest thing from his mind. He wanted to stay awake all night, fingers and mouth exploring all the crevices of Jared’s body that he had missed. Wanted to drink in the scent of Jared, to lavish tenderness on Jared, just as he had with him.

Instead, he slept.

.     .     .

**after.**

Richard’s fingers brushed along the dimples at the small of Jared’s back, and Jared bent his head down to commandeer Richard’s lips with his own. They still didn’t dare to move; Jared between Richard’s legs, come drying tacky between their bodies. It should have felt utterly disgusting, and yet Richard certainly wasn’t in any hurry to remove himself from Jared’s bed.

“Was it a dream?” Richard rasped, voice thick with sleep, thick with arousal.

“No,” Jared replied, his mouth conferring a flurry of kisses along the column of Richard’s throat. His hand splayed against his chest, still heaving in their post-orgasm haze. “Not a moment of it.”

“ _Fuck_ ,” Richard breathed, reverent as he tilted his head back against the pillows, Jared seemingly content on devouring him whole. He welcomed it.

His body undulating beneath Jared’s, Richard gave into the compulsion to feel Jared’s mouth, Jared’s hands, wander the expanse of wherever it was that he wanted to catalogue. He distantly heard his phone vibrating across the condo, probably having unceremoniously fallen out of his pants the night before. Whatever it was that was going outside the walls of Jared’s home could wait.

Jared had said something the night before, something that Richard had been able to push into the back of his mind, he would deal with it later. Seconds before Richard had crushed his mouth against Jared’s, his admission of love, which Richard had always assumed, was suddenly out there. And while Richard felt the same way, he knew he did, his heart felt like it was sweating whenever he was around Jared, he couldn’t bring himself to say it, afraid of what it meant to love and be loved.

Jared’s fingers swept Richard’s curls back from his forehead, and Richard gazed up at him as if he were seeing him for the first time.

Richard wasn’t raised to love tender. He wasn't sure that he knew how.

The power that Jared had over him was dangerous.

_Tell him._

Not now.

**Author's Note:**

> follow me on [tumblr](http://antiquitea.tumblr.com) where i yell in my tags a lot about how angry attractive boys make me.


End file.
